BENIGN HIP TUMOR
Hip was benign. I actually haven't googled what it is because what it's not matters so much more than what it is. It is NOT CANCER. It is a tumor, called a myofibroblastic proliferation.*
But...Tumor, smumor. I just care that it won't kill me. (but unlike that saying, it also won't make me stronger...at this point, we can just stop at "it won't kill me" and go home)
Waiting
Waiting is one of the hardest parts of cancer.
You get scans. And wait. You get a biopsy. And wait. You get to the doctor. And wait. They hook you up to machines. And wait hours for the chemo poison to fill your veins. You wait for side effects - I waited for my hair to fall out (it did, on schedule) for the neuropathy to start (it didn't), for my blood counts to dip (they did). You wait for a surgery date. And wait to heal. You finish treatment, and wait to see if worked. You go back to the doctor. And wait for them to see you. Then, when you're "all done" - You wait to see if it comes back (and hope / pray / think it won't).
Actually, waiting isn't only the worst part of cancer, it's what we do the most. But, waiting for scan and biopsy results is the absolute worst.
Waiting on my results
Today was hell. Actually, every day since they told me "we think it's not nothing" has been hell. Every day, thinking about the worst. Thinking about going through a different type of chemo, about continuing treatment for breast cancer, about what "a different type of cancer" could mean for me and my family. Thinking about not seeing George grow up. Hoping that I can get to a point where he'll remember me. I folded his 12+ month clothes, wondering if I'd be the one to take them out of the box.**
The actual biopsy was fine. I don't think I talked about that, but it wasn't too painful. I asked them to actually knock me out, and they did. I was fully asleep (unlike the port surgery, where I was cracking jokes to the surgeon).
The biopsy was Tuesday. They said that I should have results by Friday at the latest. It didn't look like mets (metastatic breast cancer), but they needed to rule it out. People don't die of caner in their breast, they die when the cancer travels to other parts of the body - major organs.
The tumor looked most like a desmoid, which is a super rare non-cancery cancer. (A type of "cancer" that can't travel to other parts of the body). There are 900 desmoids annually in the US. (who the eff knew about a myo-whatchamacallit at this point).
I got to chemo today (my last taxol - yay!), and asked about my biopsy. I'd been calling every day for results. And today, they had them.
More later, my husband's home.
Bottom line - NO CANCER! #YAY!
*After typing this, I'll admit it...I googled. But, mostly to check my spelling. The first article on google said, "tumor is an uncommon lesion of unknown cause". Whatever, the cause isn't cancer, so who cares.
** I realize this is super morbid, but it's what the mommies with cancer fear the most.
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