Day 106 | AC-ya later

What's new?

I finished AC treatments on Wednesday, 3.15! 104 days into this cancerous mess, and I have removed most of the cancer surgically and made it almost halfway through chemo.

What have I learned??

Well, for starters, I have really learned how to be my own advocate. I now have passed general cancer 101 and breast cancer 202. I can talk the talk. Still have a lot to learn before I earn my full MD, but I can converse with the doctor about my care instead of only learning about my disease when I am with them.

I've learned that even when something is pretty scary, it's surmountable. I was much more scared of chemo than surgery. To me, surgery felt like the known entity. You are cut. You hurt. You heal. They get the cancer out. Chemo seemed much more nebulous. You are poisoned. You lose your hair. You can't eat. You get sick. You get sicker. Then, you mostly heal. They may have gotten more cancer out, but chemo's full effect on adjuvant (after surgery) patients is more theoretical than measurable. But! I made it through the "red devil". Now, 12 taxol and 4 carboplatin and 32 radiations (and one PET scan stands between now and the end of this phase of breast cancer.

I've reinforced the power of family. I would not have been able to get this far without the support of my mom, dad, sisters, boyfriend, aunts, and extended family. 

I've learned that online communities can give you comfort. I met a few girls online that have TNBC too, and they have been a tremendous resource to me. I feel less islandy and more peninsulay now. I learn about what it's like to feel cured. What it's like to not. And that feeling totally scared and bewildered is a-ok. 

I've learned to be a resource, sometimes for the newly diagnosed. That positivity can make a difference. It's not all science and figures, but attitude too. The fact is that ...1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer sometime in their lives. To be fully open, it sucks that I am among the first in my peer group. But, being in this "first" group, I think being honest and sharing my story will help give people strength later when they or someone close to them fights this battle. 

ALSO! I've learned that routine self-exams ARE IMPORTANT. (Sorry for yelling. But. They are!!). 

I've learned kindness from strangers on the street  - people are generally much nicer and more patient with you when they can see your struggle so outwardly (through baldness). And I've learned to smile through awkward yet comforting conversations about "what type you got" from others fighting similar battles. 

I've learned kindness from friends near and far, old and new. Texts, cards, lovely gifts, visits, and more. I've heard lovely stories about my life that I may have forgotten. I've also heard a lot about others' battles with cancers and similar diseases. This experience has reinforced what I knew to be true - My village is strong and full of amazing people. 

I've learned about FDA trials. Immuno therapy mostly. I've learned about trial protocols - what boxes you need to check to get into a trial. And how important these trials are to advancing the care we are offered. And what my next steps may look like if this chemo radiation surgery thing isn't enough. 

I've learned strength isn't always easy. Some days I look at myself in the mirror and don't recognize who I see. But, even on those days, it's easier to keep going. To keep fighting. Than it is to quit. 

So, we will keep going. And maybe be a bit more bruised, battered, and bald at the end. But, will be smarter and tougher too. 

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Thank all of you for coming this far with me! Next post, I will let you know what's next for me. We changed the care path a bit. Pushing my body to kick this cancer to the curb faster and hopefully more effectively.