Happy One Year.
It was a year ago (less a day) that I had the biopsy where the doctor said,
“I’m still hopeful (that it’s not), but I really think this is cancer.”
In many ways, this year felt like a week; in other ways, a
lifetime. I can barely remember my life before this. A time when going to the
doctor was an exception to the week instead of a feeling of complete normalcy. A
time when the constant worry of tomorrow wasn’t present. A time … before
cancer.
I’m so happy to have made it one year, but in many ways, I’m
stuck …
- Between a place of celebration, for making it this far, and mourning, of what my life was (or could have been) pre-cancer.
- Between a sense of hope and fear, both for what the future could bring.
- Between thankfulness, for seeing how amazing my ‘village’ is, and sadness, for needing cancer to understand it.
In the spirit of juxtaposition, joining the c-community has
been weirdly wonderful. I have made friends around the world going through a
similar story. You see the best side of it – the eight year celebrations, the
chemo babies thriving, the what’s-now-four-years-and-should-have-been-six-weeks
stories; and the worst, the scan-xiety, how every
ache and pain is the cancer coming back, the stage IV diagnoses, the
families left behind…
Mostly, I just want to tell everyone how thankful I am. Thankful I am that they were there for me. Whether it was post-surgery, when every surface in my house was covered in flowers or yesterday, when a friend texted to see how I was doing. I am just thankful! - Thankful for the after-chemo-packages, when two special groups of friends – my soritiory sisters and DC book club – sent me packages, forever lightening my ‘chemo Wednesday’ dread.
- Thankful for the stories and the cards and the prayers.
- Thankful for one of our family friends, who sent me a card every week through the darkest hours, with stories of hopes, with prayers, and well wishes.
(And the everies.)
- Thankful for my family, who took me to breakfast every chemo before getting stuck 18 times and filled with poison.
- Thankful for my husband, for forever wiping my tears, holding my hand, and being stronger than I have ever been.
- Thankful for our little boy, who is (mostly) healthy and (mostly) happy.
- Thankful for my sister Elise, for taking on my fears, without minimizing them.
- Thankful for my inlaws, for their prayers, visits, and love.
- Thankful for Holly/Lesli/DL/DD/Paula, for being our extra family here in Columbus.
- Thankful for my Aunt Therese, for making the United Columbus flight in for chemos.my hospital stay.our wedding.Baby G. (and much more).
- Thankful the rest of my family, for lightening our load.
- Thankful for every.second I can forget about the cancer.
- Thankful that my workplace has been so amazing through all of this.
- Thankful for HAIR returning.
- Thankful for everyone just checks in on us. Sends a text. Asks how we are. Doesn’t dwell on the cancer. Makes us feel NORMAL, during a period of anything but.
- Thankful for all the G-loving, for everyone that welcomed our JOY in a period of despair.
Thanks to all of you. For being there, for reading, and for ALL the well wishes. They are always appreciated and felt deeply. We couldn't get through this without you.
